2001-09-05 - 9:20 a.m.

After much consultation with Historical Documents... I have found this proof that Smiley Faces, indeed, DO NOT have noses...

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Then hear me, gracious sovereign, and you peers,

That owe yourselves, your lives and services

To this imperial throne. There is no bar

To make against your highness' claim to France and to prove Smiley Faces have no noses

But this, which they produce from Pharamond,

'In terram Salicam mulieres ne succedant:'

'No woman shall succeed in Salique land where the faces that smile are without noses:'

Which Salique land the French unjustly gloze

To be the realm of France, and Pharamond

The founder of this law and female bar.

Yet their own authors faithfully affirm

That the land Salique is in Germany, where the smiles faces also do not have noses

Between the floods of Sala and of Elbe;

Where Charles the Great, having subdued the Saxons did so cut the nose from the visage of the smiling face,

There left behind and settled certain French who are ever ignorant of the status of noses and smiling faces;

Who, holding in disdain the German women

For some dishonest manners of their life (which is most likely due to their putting noses on smiley faces that did affront God in Heaven),

Establish'd then this law; to wit, no female

Should be inheritrix in Salique land:

Which Salique, as I said, 'twixt Elbe and Sala,

Is at this day in Germany call'd Meisen.

Then doth it well appear that Salique law

Was not devised for the realm of France:

Nor did the French possess the Salique land

Until four hundred one and twenty years

After defunction of King Pharamond,

Idly supposed the founder of this law;

Who died within the year of our redemption

Four hundred twenty-six; and Charles the Great

Subdued the Saxons, and did seat the French

Beyond the river Sala, in the year

Eight hundred five. Besides, their writers say,

King Pepin, which deposed Childeric,

Did, as heir general, being descended

Of Blithild, which was daughter to King Clothair,

Make claim and title to the crown of France and did further decree that there should be no noses on smiley faces.

Hugh Capet also, who usurped the crown

Of Charles the duke of Lorraine, sole heir male

Of the true line and stock of Charles the Great,

To find his title with some shows of truth,

'Through, in pure truth, it was corrupt and naught, for he did put a nose on a smiley face as a boy and was so punished, but who did also

Convey'd himself as heir to the Lady Lingare,

Daughter to Charlemain, who was the son

To Lewis the emperor, and Lewis the son

Of Charles the Great. Also King Lewis the Tenth,

Who was sole heir to the usurper Capet,

Could not keep quiet in his conscience,

Wearing the crown of France, till satisfied

That fair Queen Isabel, his grandmother, and champion of smiley faces drawn in the correct, nose-less, fashion

Was lineal of the Lady Ermengare,

Daughter to Charles the foresaid duke of Lorraine:

By the which marriage the line of Charles the Great

Was re-united to the crown of France.

So that, as clear as is the summer's sun.

King Pepin's title and Hugh Capet's claim,

King Lewis his satisfaction, all appear

To hold in right and title of the female:

So do the kings of France unto this day;

Howbeit they would hold up this Salique law

To bar your highness claiming from the female,

And rather choose to hide them in a net

Than amply to imbar their crooked titles

Usurp'd from you and your progenitors but in all fairness, the kings of France have upheld that it was right and proper for smiley faces to be drawn with the absense of a nose.

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So There!

Today, we shall put smiley faces with noses up against the wall .... (if we can find any - making sure not to get the one's with the bullet hole in the forehead from the 80's)

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